When my husband and I decided to incur
significant debt to send our 28-year old son to the NOLS School for
mountaineering training in the Himalayas for 40 days, the judgments from our
friends, family, and co-workers were unanimous. We were right up there with the
parenting idiots of the decade, members of the Enablers’ Hall of Fame—still
trying to pour money into a son who had definite “failure to launch” issues.
Are we guilty as charged? We are. Then again,
in this case, maybe we aren’t. When our son became a father in high school and
then again at age 23, we started down a long path of helping him not only learn
to parent, but to do so while earning a college degree and then a master’s in
teaching. And when he was devastated after losing his teaching job and ended up
severely under-employed delivering pizzas, we tried again to help emotionally
and financially.
Concerned that he was dragging his heels
in finding a better job and draining us, his exhausted parents, we gave him an
ultimatum. We wanted out of the business of helping support him. He needed to look
for a better job. His concerned older brother got into the act too, offering to
pay for career counseling.
The counselor helped my son identify that
he was best suited to have his own business, and that his passion was
mountaineering. But clearly, he needed much more experience and training if he
wanted to start a mountain guiding business. When research indicated the best
programs for doing so were run by NOLS, we decided to give our son one last
major financial gift—attending this program.
Are we crazy? Don’t three out of four
startups fail? Why aren’t we pushing our son to get a decent job this minute
and forget these crazy dreams of his?
I guess the jury is out on this one. All my
husband and I know is that we raised a family and pursued our impractical dream
of careers in dance and somehow made it work. We want our adult children to
have that opportunity as well.
Yesterday, my son said something to me
that felt like a lovely Valentine one day early: “I’ll never be able to thank
you guys enough. What I hope is that one day, I can give my children the
opportunity to pursue their passions the way you and Dad have for me.”
It just doesn’t get any better than that.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
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